lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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