i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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