is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize