he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
