I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
