if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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