i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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