I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
