I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
