And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize