I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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