So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
