He uses pillows to masturbate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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