He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
