I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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