Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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