my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hippo gnu deer
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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