I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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