I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
