You can't motorboat a personality
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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