i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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