On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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