Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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