My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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