i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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