I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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