How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
