Whatcha textin bout Willis?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
