She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
