Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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