I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
