Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
