They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
