Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize