i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
