He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
