If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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