From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
