I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
