Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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