She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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