yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
