You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize