it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
