I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
