it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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