I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
