I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
