you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
