I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
