i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
