Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
