She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
