Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sobbing to NWA
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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