He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
