I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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