you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I supernannyed him into submission
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
