just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize