I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
