wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I believe in your delicious
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
