Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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