she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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