I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
