Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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