pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The power of my boobs compel you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
