forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize