Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
