I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
